Dear Donny,
I am writing this letter to say how much I enjoy our phone chats. You are the greatest President of the United States of America the world has ever seen.
On behalf of all Russians, I say we humbly appreciate all you are doing to stop the war in Ukraine. Pardon me for not showing my gratitude earlier, I was at a hockey match. I want you to know that I knew nothing about the recent bombings of Ukrainian power plants and apartment houses and hospitals. Somebody else did it.
I like your move to make Canada your 51st state, look at all the minerals and electric power you will gain. Your country fought two wars to take Canada and lost. I'll bet you won't lose this time, go for it.
Greenland? You can have it. All I want is Europe and a nice safe place for my daughter who lives in Holland. Is that too much to ask?
Panama? Those are a bunch of Latinos, their food hurts my tummy. You can have it, besides, you are making that Chines guy unhappy. He needs his comeuppance.
Let's keep the phone lines busy about how we divide up Ukraine, then we can talk about the new Trump Tower in Moscow where you can spend your later years with that good-looking Slovenian woman. (I would keep a close eye on her, I am not sure she likes you anymore.)
Your thankful friend,
Vladimir
p.s. What has happened to your excellent choice of a Vice President? He hasn't been in the news for over a week, is he well?
