By Susan R. Wenner
Herald Publisher/ People Editor
Growing up as a teen in Seminole County, Maria Cruz later moved to Orange County but it was her tumultuous upbringing and that healing journey that inspired her to write her first book, “Soul on Fire.”
Because of the constant moving, Cruz attended 2 elementary schools every year and felt very disconnected without close friends and a family life that she longed to escape.
“I quit school during the first two weeks into my 9th grade year,” she said. “The math teacher humiliated me in class and I never went back.”
Sharing about that trying time in her life, Cruz cited that her mother was mentally ill all her life, volatile and extremely violent.
“I was betrothed at the age of 14,” she said. “My mother was betrothed at the age of 13 and married at the age of 14. I had a child at 15 and fled my mother's place when my son was 5 months old because my mother tried to kill me through strangulation. Nine months after being homeless, I had to place my son up for adoption. Meanwhile, I went on to earn my GED.
After losing my son, I worked full-time and continued higher education.”
Cruz shared that she put herself through college and earned a Bachelor's of Science degree. She later began working for herself, owning a start-up company.
“I later gave my heart to two other children,” she said. “I was reunited with my birth son when he was 18 years old and we are in touch regularly today. I am married.”
As part of the therapy program that Cruz attended after suffering a mental breakdown was the pivotal time when she turned her journaling and healing into something she could be proud of.
According to Cruz, the book is all about the memories she had as a child and feeling like she was the “only little girl trapped in childhood hell.”
“My mental health, self-esteem, self-worth, etc., were always rooted in one of the four trauma responses: Fear, Flight, Freeze or Fawn,” she said. “Since I was a little girl, I quickly learned that no one was going to save me and my brain took over and hid the most heinous crimes from my memory - until everything came to the surface with such an eruption that it caused me to have a nervous breakdown.”
Cruz went on to say, “I have always had repetitive nightmares over many decades, but the one that broke me was the revelation of the attempted rape by my stepdad,” she said. “It shattered my mind, broke my soul and left me altered to this day. The crime was premeditated and I was drugged that night. I never saw it as rape, because I refused to see it. The dream brought back the entire event and I awoke with the same pain I felt that late night long ago. The horror I survived, and the reckoning consumed me to the point I had to write to get it out of my body.”
She elaborated more by saying,”Initially I started writing because it was an assignment from my counselor. As I started thinking about it, I thought it would be a good idea to let my children know what has made me who I am today. Then, as I began to delve into the neglect and abuse, I realized that maybe my story could help heal someone else who survived heinous abuse.”
She went on to say that it has been since 2016 that she has “worked to purge all the psychological abuse, gaslighting and weight of the sexual abuse my body hid deep within me.”
A book on Reactive Attachment Disorder is another book she is currently working on to help parents who adopt abused children. She noted that this is a topic that is often undiagnosed because our own medical professionals have never studied or trained for such a severe mental health disorder.
“My second child, also adopted, was diagnosed at age 10,” she said. “I knew something was different when she was two, but all the professionals kept saying she had ADHD. RAD is still not fully understood by the medical community and many professionals in the mental health field have no clue about RAD. During her childhood, I have had to educate teachers, principals, mental health counselors, therapists, and even her pediatrician about what it is, how it can be displayed, and how it tears a family, community, and even a school apart.”
Another endeavor on the radar for Cruz is a sort of “guidebook, pearls of wisdom to help empower girls, teens and women to take their power back from a variety of situations.” She stated that it will be sort of a tool book for situations that try to steal girls' self-esteem and to build their confidence by learning who they are truly meant to be.
As far as future plans, Cruz said that her dream is to go to Washington, D.C. and face the U.S. Congress.
“I want them to know the devastating effects of trauma through my story and demand that they fund mental health services for all victims of violent crimes,” she said. “We, as a society, must heal so that we do not become the next generation of perpetrators. It long overdue.”
In closing she added that her desire is to leave a legacy of hope and triumph so that others can heal from their wounds and find their voice.
“I want every survivor to genuinely know that what happened to them was never their fault, blame or responsibility,” she said. “The shame has always belonged to the people who committed the crimes, and those who were complicit. Until there's healing and acceptance at our core, we will never be free.”
For more information about her book go to www.soulonfire.org as the site offers insights into the book along with audio clips, audio and ebook.
Also https://www.instagram.com/mariacruz_soulonfire/?igsh=eXZjMnpsd3IzeGd0# , Facebook: Author Maria Cruz or to order the book go to
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=siul+on+fire+matia+vruz&crid=16CNUV72G3QGN&sprefix=siul+on+fire+matia+vruz%2Caps%2C216&ref=nb_sb_noss
